This Thanksgiving, let us consider those who are less fortunate. Take the citizens of the Unites States, for example, who choose oppression over freedom. You read correctly: choose. It is a paradox so twisted and perverse that it initially prances around as “funny,” until you tear the mask off to see who’s there, or isn’t, as it were, and you find yourself gazing upon a face ugly enough to make your stomach acids corrode the enamel of your teeth as you pass every last drop forth. “Ignorance is bliss,” mocks the grotesque face, but even despite the latest fad being centered on an innate lack of knowledge worth knowing (the kind they get paid not to teach you in school), the vast majority of Americans are flat-out pissed. And for good reason — enduring four embarrassing years of persistent disregard for the most basic of Constitutional freedoms is enough to drive even the most brain-dead sheep to madness.
But we do it to ourselves. Who needs war to mourn the loss of life when we have homegrown masochism sprouting out of the legislative dung heap right in our own backyard!? This fertilizer is toxic enough to make Monsanto weep with envy — no easy feat. But this is a capitalist society and the shit goes to the highest bidder, even if it is metaphorical shit, which is for sale only on the rarest of occasions. Most of the time it takes the form of a man in a dark suit who hides behind tinted, bullet-proof windows in the back seat of a Lincoln Town Car. So shit, basically.
Buy who thou wilt.
Though our nation may thrive on overt laziness, ignorance is only excusable until the ripe age of about five, after which point you are free to either make up your mind or have it made for you. It’s “one or the other,” as they like to say. But like all freedoms, don’t expect it to stick around for long in this place.
But, damn it, that’s right… I keep forgetting we are a nation of masochists! Well fuck! Enjoy the pain while it lasts because I have a strange feeling that the people will start waking up eventually. I know, I know... It doesn’t seem likely, and I wouldn’t blame you if you disagreed for the time being, but my intuition is telling me that there is only so much despotism a nation is willing to submit to before the levee finally breaks. When it does, it will be blood, piss and lava flowing through the streets, drowning dogs and flooding basements from sea to contaminated sea. FEMA will be working overtime, no doubt…
And fuck that. I’ll take my chances living off the land in Alaska or possibly the deep north of the Canadian wilderness if I feel like it. That’s right — if I feel like it. I guess you can say I am one of those eccentric pariahs who still take a sick pleasure in thinking for himself. We are a rare breed.
But for the rest of you, ahoy! Hop aboard that community-funded, government sanctioned bus tour of the United States of Devastation, and make sure you drain your collective dragons well in advance because there is no bathroom on this ride. There are seats, though, and yes, they are assigned! As much of you are already accustomed to wallowing in your own proverbial filth, the transition should go off without a hitch. But don’t touch the windows, and especially don’t look through them. The road to ruin is cyclical. Nothing to see that you haven’t already seen a thousand times before on FOX or CNN.
“Sit tight, and shut the fuck up,” says the voice overhead. “To the left you will notice the… Hey! Did I say you could look?” But Little Johnny thinks that was what the man meant! Oh, poor Little Johnny. He thinks… There’s his first mistake. Little Johnny has a lot of learning to do, doesn’t he?
First stop: obligatory education. Learn to sleep 24 hours a day and ignore the urge to look out the window, especially when a double-sided Scantron sheet is placed formidably on your desk. This is what they want. File into the building where you are rewarded for keeping your head down and your mouth shut, and don’t even think about thinking. There is way too much to learn here for that sort of nonsense, so close that silly little mind of yours and pay attention. Better yet: hand it over and let us take care of it. That is how the system likes to treat fresh meat. Break ‘em in while they are young and you won’t have any problems later down the line.
Well, that’s the theory anyhow.
Should it take a turn for the worse, which it usually does, fear not — just drag them to the doctor (who returned yesterday from an all-expenses paid pharmaceutical “seminar” in Barbados) and he will have a prescription for Ritalin in your hands even before you can finish sanitizing them at the Purell dispenser mounted on the wall in the waiting room. It’s an efficient business, medicine is.
And government isn’t much different. People go into politics for one reason: money. “Here we are at the next stop on the tour, hullo! In this gutter you can keep your head down and mouth shut kids, but actually get paid for it!” And the less you think, the more you make. It’s so simple a monkey could do it, and many actually do. In fact, most lost souls who masquerade as politicians are actually monkeys. They never would reveal this outright, but it’s the truth all the same. It “wouldn’t be good for business,” as many of them are heard muttering amongst themselves, usually after press interviews when they forget they have a live microphone clipped to their ties. But hell, we all make mistakes. The American people know this, which is why we keep forgiving them.
We don’t know much else though, and the game is coming on any minute, so who cares anyway? I don’t even know what the question was anymore… was there a question? Ah, well. I am an American, and I don’t know. I will defend my right to ignorance at all costs, so get out of the way of the TV set before I call the police.
But we do it to ourselves. Who needs war to mourn the loss of life when we have homegrown masochism sprouting out of the legislative dung heap right in our own backyard!? This fertilizer is toxic enough to make Monsanto weep with envy — no easy feat. But this is a capitalist society and the shit goes to the highest bidder, even if it is metaphorical shit, which is for sale only on the rarest of occasions. Most of the time it takes the form of a man in a dark suit who hides behind tinted, bullet-proof windows in the back seat of a Lincoln Town Car. So shit, basically.
Buy who thou wilt.
Though our nation may thrive on overt laziness, ignorance is only excusable until the ripe age of about five, after which point you are free to either make up your mind or have it made for you. It’s “one or the other,” as they like to say. But like all freedoms, don’t expect it to stick around for long in this place.
But, damn it, that’s right… I keep forgetting we are a nation of masochists! Well fuck! Enjoy the pain while it lasts because I have a strange feeling that the people will start waking up eventually. I know, I know... It doesn’t seem likely, and I wouldn’t blame you if you disagreed for the time being, but my intuition is telling me that there is only so much despotism a nation is willing to submit to before the levee finally breaks. When it does, it will be blood, piss and lava flowing through the streets, drowning dogs and flooding basements from sea to contaminated sea. FEMA will be working overtime, no doubt…
And fuck that. I’ll take my chances living off the land in Alaska or possibly the deep north of the Canadian wilderness if I feel like it. That’s right — if I feel like it. I guess you can say I am one of those eccentric pariahs who still take a sick pleasure in thinking for himself. We are a rare breed.
But for the rest of you, ahoy! Hop aboard that community-funded, government sanctioned bus tour of the United States of Devastation, and make sure you drain your collective dragons well in advance because there is no bathroom on this ride. There are seats, though, and yes, they are assigned! As much of you are already accustomed to wallowing in your own proverbial filth, the transition should go off without a hitch. But don’t touch the windows, and especially don’t look through them. The road to ruin is cyclical. Nothing to see that you haven’t already seen a thousand times before on FOX or CNN.
“Sit tight, and shut the fuck up,” says the voice overhead. “To the left you will notice the… Hey! Did I say you could look?” But Little Johnny thinks that was what the man meant! Oh, poor Little Johnny. He thinks… There’s his first mistake. Little Johnny has a lot of learning to do, doesn’t he?
First stop: obligatory education. Learn to sleep 24 hours a day and ignore the urge to look out the window, especially when a double-sided Scantron sheet is placed formidably on your desk. This is what they want. File into the building where you are rewarded for keeping your head down and your mouth shut, and don’t even think about thinking. There is way too much to learn here for that sort of nonsense, so close that silly little mind of yours and pay attention. Better yet: hand it over and let us take care of it. That is how the system likes to treat fresh meat. Break ‘em in while they are young and you won’t have any problems later down the line.
Well, that’s the theory anyhow.
Should it take a turn for the worse, which it usually does, fear not — just drag them to the doctor (who returned yesterday from an all-expenses paid pharmaceutical “seminar” in Barbados) and he will have a prescription for Ritalin in your hands even before you can finish sanitizing them at the Purell dispenser mounted on the wall in the waiting room. It’s an efficient business, medicine is.
And government isn’t much different. People go into politics for one reason: money. “Here we are at the next stop on the tour, hullo! In this gutter you can keep your head down and mouth shut kids, but actually get paid for it!” And the less you think, the more you make. It’s so simple a monkey could do it, and many actually do. In fact, most lost souls who masquerade as politicians are actually monkeys. They never would reveal this outright, but it’s the truth all the same. It “wouldn’t be good for business,” as many of them are heard muttering amongst themselves, usually after press interviews when they forget they have a live microphone clipped to their ties. But hell, we all make mistakes. The American people know this, which is why we keep forgiving them.
We don’t know much else though, and the game is coming on any minute, so who cares anyway? I don’t even know what the question was anymore… was there a question? Ah, well. I am an American, and I don’t know. I will defend my right to ignorance at all costs, so get out of the way of the TV set before I call the police.
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